The Time the Six Stopped Working On My TV Remote
February 22, 2007
A few years ago when I was angry with everyone and everything I hung out too much with a guy named Jim Beam. Some of you may know Jim as he gets around and can be a lot of fun sometimes.
Jim and I used to love to watch football on TV. I even found that without Jim I could not tolerate the Washington Redskins that year because they were so miserable. At the time ESPN was one of my favorite channels and on my satellite system it was on channel 56.
One day the six on my remote stopped working.
This was intolerable. I hade to actually STAND to change the channels. Can you imagine?
Jim was no help either.
I phoned to satellite service provider and got run around from prerecorded voice to prerecorded voice. This again, intolerable.
Finally I got a “real person” and I said: “My favorite channel is number 56 and the six on my remote no longer works and I have been talking to recorded voices at your business for four hours and now I am sitting on my roof naked and screaming my lungs out in frustration.”
She giggled and said, “Would you repeat that for my supervisor?”
I did and I added that my wife thought (though I denied it) that there was some small correlation between my misadventures with Jim Beam and the failure of the remote. She said sometimes Jim got a little sloppy and ended up on the floor and then I might drop the remote (ya think?) which might, just might, get a little of Jim into the electrons.Not good for the remote. S
he also claimed that I once threw the remote at the Washington Redskins and that may have contributed to its untimely death.
I denied this too but, well, the Redskins were pretty bad that year so who knows? They wouldn’t have caught the remote that year.
I agreed to repeat my story on the speaker phone to the delight of everyone at the satellite company. They had a big laugh. They FedExed me TWO new remotes and a nice funny note.
I got rid of my anger after divorcing my first wife. I divorced Jim too. The Redskins could be next.